My Secret Love Affair

So words are “it” for me. I love them. I love their connectivity, the limitless possibilities. How they shape our world, our ideas, and our vision. I mean that there are words for everything and more that you never knew. :-)

Consider the following (my nod to Bill Nye, the science guy)- What is a book? To me it is words reaching their potential, which is were we all want to be. A book is where they record ideas, thoughts, and stories. They record how, why, and who of life. It can go on and on forever, which is why I part of the reason I love history. It is just stories of people, places, and events that long ago happened.

Words make up a large part of our life. They are all around us. On billboards, books, signs, TV guide, school, ect. Words are being recorded, pondered, discussed, and even changed all around us on a daily bases. To me this is what makes us humans and shows our history. These little non-existent, abstract ideas that impact, rule, and change our life on a daily bases.

When I was in forth grade I discovered this secret world that I wanted to understand so bad. Everyone around me just got it. It was magic. They understood this secret world with so ease, and I was on the outside looking for that door to lead me into that magical place. It was a great mystery world that I could see in others eyes. I wanted it, and I could not get to it. There was a huge wall in my way.

Words called to me through stories that my teacher read, and yes, even the dreaded word problems in math (not that may me any better at them). I would see little glimpses just once and a while, but they were enough to get me hooked. I wanted to know, to understand, and to be able to use words the way they are meant to be used everyday. So day-by-day I worked little by little to my self-proclaimed promise land.

My forth grade teacher so used that desire to help me to get as close to that land as she could, but in the end I was the one doing all the hard work. And it was really really hard. I would have good and bad days of reading and comprehension, so I worked and worked, and worked, and worked. At first I worked on small words and got those down, then I moved on to bigger words. When I had confidence to start reading more things I started to challenge the wall, and then one day it all click.

I know that people say that, but for me it really was that way. My brain just got it after a lot of hard work. After that I started reading whatever I could get my hands on. That mysterious world was opened to me, and it was great. It is still great. I love to read, and there are great books out there.

And to be really honest part of the reason that I read all the time is that I am terrified that if I stop reading that I will lose the ability to read. I know that it is not a logical phobia, but it is there also lurking in the back of my brain. I never want to lose the magic of words. So I read and read, and in doing so I have discovered new ideas, new worlds, and ignited my imagination to a bigger reality.

Tool #5 This one is for the parents of dyslexic kids- read with your kids. They need to see you enjoying reading, and have a wonderful memory to fall back on when reading becomes frustrating. And it will become frustrating. I know that in this world that there seems to not be time or really important, but it is. Your kids need you to understand their brain, their world, and to help make connections. Reading together will not only helps you encourage your kid, it also helps your kid to keep the knowledge and understanding that they have gained. Reading is important especially in this day and age. Everything that you do to encourage your child is helpful, and your child will remember it. Lead by example especially in front of your kids.

My Story

First I am going to say sorry it took so long to write this. It was harder to write that I thought it would be, so there may be awkward choppy sentences.

So I am going to start my story with a spoiler… I am a success. I may not always feel like one, but I am one. Many at this point may point out that I am bragging about myself. I am. I have made it to a point in life that many (many) people said I could never get to, but to get to that point we need to start at the beginning.

What do you need to know about my early life? My name is a good place to start. You can all call me J. It is simply, easy to remember, and what most people call me. Right before I was named I was born. Usually how it works, right? I was a pre-me baby by about six weeks, so I was tiny when I showed up in the world and a bit of a shock since neither of my parents expected me for six more weeks.

I had a lot going for me at a young age (and yes even to this day!). I have two amazing parents in the world, and they both of who have some degree dyslexia. My Mom knows that she has some, and with my Dad we are pretty sure he does too. So from the time I was born until I started to learn to read my mom watching me like a hawk and read to me a lot. I remember my parents reading to me all the time. In fact gowning up we had a rule- if you wanted a video game you had to pay for it yourself, but if you wanted a book (as many as you wanted) then parents were more than happy to pay for them. Which is a great way to get your kids to want to read.

When I started “read” my parents saw some things that worried them. I was not really read. I had memorized my favorite book word for word and could repeat it back to them, but not the words on a page. This was right before first grade. In first grade more and more signs came up. I had a hard time with spelling, word spacing, and overall with reading and understanding. My Mom having noted this and other things at home asked the school to test me for dyslexia. My first grade teacher had also noted some things and thought it would be a good idea. It took a while for the school to agree, but they did.

So I got tested in first grade. I don’t remember a lot of the test. I do have the paperwork from it and apparently I have an IQ in the gifted range, I am great at abstract blocking patterns and visual sequencing, and organization. Things still true to this day. This test also reviled that I did in fact have dyslexia in the severe range. I was placed in a Special Education Program with some amazing teachers and my parents found a special tutor to tutor me, which also helped.

So fast forward to the forth grade- I had glasses and was still in the Special Education Program, not the greatest way to start 4th grade. In forth grade I was blessed with the world best forth grade teacher- Mrs. Pam Markell. She was the one that helped everything click. I really learned to read in her class, and from that point on I have read most anything I can get my hands on. It was like all the understanding and knowledge finally fit together in my brain. At the end of forth grade my parents sat me down and asked me if I wanted to move on to fifth grade or stay back a year in forth grade. I picked to stay back a year in forth grade with Mrs. Markell. One of the best discussions I have ever made.

So forth grade part 2 went by and so did fifth grade. Then came sixth grade. In the summer between 5th and 6th grade we had moved from Northern California to North Texas. As a family we deicide not to file paperwork to have me placed in Special Education. So I entered 6th like a normal new kid. No one knew. I got a great kick out of telling people to see their shocked looks and to hopefully change their view of dyslexic people. It was great. I did have to work a lot, but all my hard work in the past helped me to succeed.

Fast forward to the end of high school- I graduated with honors from my high school. Something that many people told me would never happen, and even more shocking I got into college- my number one college! I went to a small private college, and loved all four years of it. Not to say it was not hard. It was at points. If is college I think it’s expected to be hard.

Of course entering college you have to figure out what to study. I picked something near and dear to my heart- History. So I major in history and I got two minors- Education and Christian Studies. In high school I came to a startling conclusion- I wanted to teach, so I entered that program at my school. So being a history major I read a lot of books and wrote 155 papers ranging from a page to 24 pages. A 155!!! Crazy, huh. Especial for the dyslexic, but I did it. There was one semester where I literally went from writing one paper to the next to get them all done.

To top all that off- I graduated from college with an overall GPA of 3.6!!! Graduation day was an emotional day. I made it to a point where only some people ever told me I could achieve - My parents, Mr. Orr and Mrs. Patterson (my special ed. Teachers), Mrs. Markell (my forth grade teacher), Becky (my tutor), and Jason Kiplinger (my swim coach and teacher in high school). I am sure I have missed some, but to me these are the ones that stand out.

So that is my story… well some of my story. It is still being written to this day.

A quote I found sums it up the best “A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him.”- David Brinkley

Tool #4- Don’t compare people together. You never know what they are going through and you never know all of the things that are going on. Also please do not compare my story to yours or to someone else’s. Every story is different. That is part of the joy of getting to know people. Everyone is different. You are a success. Never ever forget that. And it is ok, in my book anyway, to disregard anyone who is trying to make you into a failure, and you should celebrate even the smallest victor, for they make a big difference.

The Bad Term

I have to start out by telling you that writing this post was hard to write because I had to think deeply about situations that hurt me in my past and the label that I live under.

The Bad term is what I call the stigma and label that comes along with having dyslexia. When people heard that you has dyslexia they seem to start looking at you sideways. With that simple statement you have turned their view of you upside down. Before telling them this you where normal and just like them, and now there is something “wrong” with you, or at least different about you. And to make it worst the thing that is “wrong” is invisible, so it sneaks up on people. Like sharks, spiders, or things in the dark- think about it people hate the unknown. There are many signs of dyslexia, but no one can walk down the street and tell you if you have dyslexia. So it shocks people when they find out about it.

And on top of being invisible, dyslexia is hard to communicate to people in how it affects us. I have a really hard time to find words, or examples to tell to people, and I like words. It is hard to share the daily frustrations and failures that are a part of our lives and expect people to understand. It is not human nature to tell people about what are our failures are in life. Especially when we think that no one will understand.

The hard truth is that some people are going to make decisions about you when they hear you have dyslexia. Here is a personal example from my past. This took place in my third grade classroom during one of the open houses that year. The open house had been going for a while and most of the parents and kids were just visiting with each other. I overheard one of my “friends” telling their parents that I had dyslexia and that I went to special education everyday, which was all true and I was not ashamed of this. To me it was just a part of my life.

The next thing that I know my “friend’s” parents came over to a talk to me. They made small talk for a little bit, and then said, “I am so sorry to hear that you have dyslexia.” To which I think I replied with something like, “Umm, thank you.” I mean what do you say back to that? They went on to say something that forever changed my life- “And that the only job you will every get is as a Wal-mart Greeter.”

I was in the third grade when these people outlined my whole path in life. Their opinions were that having dyslexia was a death sentence for having a real job or being a productive member of society. Since that day I have done everything in my power not to believe that opinion of me because I don’t want those people to define my life. Ever.

I try not to think about what people have said about my life and what I would end up like, since most of them have been really, really off base. And the only way to show what I mean is to tell you about me. So the next post I will be writing will be my story. Be excited!

Also if there is anything you would like me to talk about please feel free to comment and ask me to write a piece about that topic.

Tool #3- I wish that this was a perfect world where labels and stigmas don’t exist, but we don’t live there. My honest opinion about people, who label you, is to not be friends, or hang out with them. Most people are a little scared about a person that have a challenge they don’t understand, and my response to that it talk about dyslexia- the good things about it and the challenging parts of it. Help people to understand what is going on in your brain and that you are just like them. Only your brain is different. I know it is hard, but people need to hear about what it is like to be us. We are a part of society and we have a lot of good to offer to this world. Never forget that.

Terms- The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Let me start off by saying what you are about to read may upset you. Actually it may do more than just upset you. My hope is that it will at least make you think, examine, and maybe even change you thought patterns about dyslexia. I feel this is fair because as a dyslexic I have to do it all the time.

Also I need to place a disclaimer here. So my Disclaimer- these are MY opinions and observations about my dyslexia. No one is perfectly alike, so therefore I believe that not everyone’s dyslexia is perfectly alike either. Also the many tools that I am going to talk about are things and ideas that have helped me in my life. Some of them may help you, and some may not. I am really hoping to start a conversation and to try to help people who are like me.

So, anyhow, to move on- Terms, which is what I said I was going to talk about.
Let’s start with the Ugly- that’s me. Not physically, mind you… In reality I am actually really cute, but that is not the point. The point is I am a little (ok a lot) hostile to the words that are used everyday to describe dyslexia and in turn dyslexics. Really there are just 2 that most people use that I cannot stand.
*Dramatic Pause*And they are- Disability and Overcoming.

The word disability has a super negative connotation and definition- “a physical or mental handicap, especially one that prevents a person from living a full, normal life or from holding a gainful job.” So in other words- out look of life- not so good and may never be good. I feel that this word robs some of my ability to believe in my future and myself. So I try not to use this word and I go out of my way to avoid it when describing myself. I understand that dyslexia can be a disability and does affect people’s lives, but it is not the end of the world and has many positive things about it (more on that later).

So on to the next word- Overcoming. This is, to me, an over used word that most people would deploy in talking about “fixing” or “curing” dyslexia. I am just going to come right out and say it- there is no magic wand that fixes our brains with dyslexia. It is going to be in our brains for all of our lives and it is going to affect us. Some days it will affects us more then others. The word overcoming, to me, sends a message that there is someway to live where dyslexia does not impact everyday life. I have yet to find the magic formula and I doubt I will.

Let’s move on to the good part, or what I call replacing the ugly terms with more positive messaged words. I think that words are really important. They are the main way we communicate. With that in mind I searched until I found words that worked perfectly with how my mind functions. I needed to find new words to keep my motivation going and to feel better about myself. So the words I came up with and use are- Challenged and coping mechanisms.

Challenged replaces disabled. A challenge is something that you can find a way to meet. Also you can measure success within a challenge and every victory is worth celebrating. You can find the strength to take on a challenge. That to me is a very positive message. So this is a word that I use often to talk and think of myself.

Coping mechanisms replaces overcoming. Coping mechanisms is a fancy way of talking about the small daily steps that a person uses to make their life easy to live and to succeed within their lives. The nice thing about coping mechanisms is that you can find the special ones that work for you and you can learn then from just about anywhere. That is part of the reason I am writing this. With coping you can do anything; there is no limit. Which is very uplifting to say the lest.

So I was going to add the bad about terms here, but this is a long, long post. So I will have to write about that next time.
So until next time!

Tool #2- Find words that make you feel good about yourself, about your place in the world, and that are inline with who you are at heart. Everyone has different ideas about themselves and their goals in life. Think on these ideas and find the positive ideas and words that help you be you. I know this sounds hippy-ish, but if you start thinking positive it is amazing where that positive thought can take you. Even if you don't believe me try it for a week or so.

You're What?!

I am sure that some of you are wondering about the title of my blog- My Marbled Brain. Not a normal picture is it? I was hoping you would ponder the title and read on!

It is an ode to my friends, family, and pet(s) whom I love; but most of all it is how I view my brain. I am sure most of you just went- "UMMM- What?", which is what I want you to do. You see *drum roll please* I am dyslexic and I don't mean like a little bit. I am on the high end of the spectrum with dyslexia.

You are most likely sitting at your computer blinking and thinking something like "Ooo Wow." or "But you're writing."

Why yes, yes I am. Let me explain why. There are a couple of reasons I am writing a blog about dyslexia.

REASON #1- There are studies that say that at least 10-20% of a given population has dyslexia. That is a lot of people. Many of whom feel frustrated with school, work, or just words, which are everywhere in this modern world. So I am here to give hope and encouragement about having dyslexia and taking on the world! I believe that hope is really important in life, and especially in having a learning challenge.

REASON #2- Since being diagnosed with dyslexia in the first grade (more on that later) I have worked with many great teachers to learn coping mechanisms, aka tools, that I use everyday to do most everything, if you don't believe me ask my friends. I believe that this is a better way to teach any students, so I want to share the tools that help me.

REASON #3- I have been doing a lot of research on the Web about dyslexia and have been unable to find another blog about dyslexia from a dyslexic's point of view, or books written by a dyslexic about dyslexia for that matter. I feel that this missing voice needs to be shared, so here I am writing.

So that is a bit about me, my brain, and dyslexia. Feel free to comment!
Also remember if my spelling or grammar is off I am so sorry, but I am trying my best.

Until next time!

Tool #1- Don't fear failure because it makes the success that much sweeter, but to help the odds practice, practice, practice, practice, and practice some more. Like how I just learned to spell "practice" right!